I Did It!

After the chop

I did it people, I finally cut my hair. I hadn't had a hair cut since right after my mom died. It is so liberating, but I really miss the length. I love how quick I can wash it and condition it. I love that it isn't always stuck under my purse strap. I think when I style it I look more professional.

My long hair in MAY! Me and Ms. Cali at my first ever Chicago White Sox game! ( I need to blog about this still)

Today was the first day of student attendance at my internship site. The students seemed really excited to be back in the building and catching up with friends who they haven't seen all summer. I also had my very first practicum class. It went okay, there was some confusion and miscommunication, but I think we're going to be a great group!

I get by with a little help from my friends

I know this has been said before, but today I am thankful for my friends. A few weeks ago at my retail job a co-worker told me I harp on people and I would be more successful in whatever my future profession might be if I could reflect on that. This guy was my favorite co-worker, nice to everyone, and generally a good mood dude. I told him that I felt like I worked really hard and try to encourage others to as well. I was so shocked that he was bold enough to tell me this, and even more shocked that he felt this way. I went in the bathroom and nearly cried, lost sleep, and dreaded going to work with him the next week. The more I think about it, the more I feel like this may be true. I do nag the boyfriend, I do find myself stepping up and delegating, but I also try to encourage and say thanks.

Death is a funny thing. So is moving far distances. People the boyfriend and I were very close with  never once reached out to me when my mom passed. Now, understand that I told James I didn't want to really be fielding phone calls, but I am still kind of hurt about it. I would never say anything to them, but I'm not sure it's something I'll forget. No text, no card, no plant, no facebook message, basically nothing. Are these friends? How do we define friends? By convenience? Proximity? This is especially interesting when evaluating relationships when it comes to the wedding invite list. Do you invite people who only show up for the good times in your life and are non-existent during your lowest points?

Now, for the thankful part. I have made some great new friends and developed deeper relationships with acquaintances who are the best time to hang out with. Not only are they so fun, they really care. I hope I adequately express how much I value their relationships.

Today after leaving internship I had a new text from a newer friend. "Based on weekend's observations-you delegating breakfast duties, inspiring campfire games, and asking about my well being-I know you will be a great counselor, mentor and contact for all students you encounter. It's a perfect fit." This text was so uplifting and meaningful to me, particularly because of the above experience with my coworker. It felt so good to be validated in this way.

How can I have that type of impact on others? Who can you sincerely thank today?

Professional Identity?

I have so many things I want to blog about. My personal life, my internship experiences, and how they overlap. My first real boss told me everything I learned in undergrad would come full circle in grad school, everything would begin to make sense.  If I am really introspective I find this is true, and it kinda creeps me out. I hate having really long blog posts but I feel like I could type for hours about things I've noticed, am excited about, wonder about, or find upsetting. So for starters...

Where does your professional persona end and your personal identity begin? Are they one in the same? On a continuum? Totally separate? I have no problem giving advice to my friends, but I wouldn't give direct advice to my students. Can I remain neutral during family conflict? How do I use these new professional skills I've paid so much for when the stakes are high in my personal life, or the life of a loved one? I feel so young at heart and fear people take my excitement and seemingly carefree attitude as careless, immature, or incompetent. I look young too, and as much as people say first impressions don't matter, they really do. Should I cut my hair?

I act a fool around my friends, especially those I've known the longest. I have crazy opinions and have no qualms about sharing them. Now I am on the brink of becoming professional counselor. Will they be judging me "the counselor" when I act this way? Should I be typing like I think and talk in my authentic Rachel voice when this blog has been shared with my graduate student colleagues?

Many of these questions I am just beginning to consider and reflect upon. I wish more people would comment and let me know what they think! Are these ideas the type of thing we will discuss in practicum? Is this part of my quarter-life crisis? Is it a crisis at all or just the natural development of a person? Help!

I was very excited one of my professors is reading my blog, which gets back to the question above. I have thought about this quite a bit and considered starting a strictly school counseling blog, using a more professional voice. I decided to continue as I have been because this voice is authentically me. My personal life directly impacts who I am as a professional and vice versa. I started the blog to help reflect, set goals, save memories, and share with others. As I look back at the posts I am amazed by its evolution. From a carefree blog, to processing grief, and now reflecting and developing a professional identity. Hopefully it will have a little bit of everything!

I wish I could talk to my mom about this stuff, but we're not even going to go there today.