What I have been trying to get at when citing Teyber's text is the importance and symbolism of the wedding. "its central purpose is to publicly mark a transition in loyalty bonds from the parents and family of origin to the new spouse." (Teyber, 2006, p. 203). Now, I am not married, and I have never had premarital counseling, so I don't know if they touch on this. I do know I never would have viewed marriage in that specific way. He goes on to describe the Christian ceremony:
"the father walks the bride down the center aisle to the front of the church...symbolically gives the bride away by placing her hand in the hand of the waiting groom...then leaves the couple by stepping back...and sitting down beside his own wife. The bride and groom, who have now been demarcated physically from the parental geneartion, turn away and step forward to be married...publicly defin[ing] themselves to family and friends as an enduring marital couple." (Teyber, 2006, p. 204)
Pretty special when you think about it, huh? I always thought this symbolized the father saying, "She's your problem now! Good luck with her shopping habits!"
Teyber next talks about how the before mentioned parental coalition that has gone wrong plays out in the wedding planning process. The cross-generational alliances find their way into the wedding. These loyalties that have been there since birth, so it's easy to understand why it is so difficult to transfer loyalties from parent to partner. According to Teyber, the conflict over the shift of loyalties is "played out in arguments over who will be invited to the wedding, where it will be held, how it will be conducted, who is financially responsible and so on."(p. 204). Sound familiar anyone? Who doesn't have these issues? Marriage is full of unknowns while you know what to expect from family.
Teyber, E. (2006). Interpersonal process in therapy: An integrative model. Belmont, CA: Thomson Higher Education.
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