More Second City Firsts

I decided to revisit my list of things to do in Chicago that I created when I first started the blog. I was able to cross off a handful of items. This September I went to my first Chicago Bears game. BEAR DOWN! It was a preseason game, but it was still exciting and nice to see Soldier Field. I was also able to cross off visits to many of the museums in the city. During my job with Disney I chaperoned a few field trips with a student who needed assistance with walking. I also chaperoned the 8th grade overnight that took the students all over the city. This was a great way to get a taste of what Chicago has to offer for free! I would like to revisit some of the spots so I can spend a bit more time experiencing them.

I wish my 30 before 30 list was getting more attention. I just re-read it and I can't cross off a single thing! Even with a list, I have to be intentional and make a plan to achieve goals, whatever they might be.

Bears game. It was pretty hot that night!

Who Says You Can't Go Home? (Bon Jovi and Sugarland, it's a good song, really)

Childhood home

My first post on this blog was August 2^nd, 2010, almost exactly a year ago. I started the blog to keep track of new exciting things the Mr. and I were doing in the city. I haven’t posted for quite some time, probably because the most recent posts were not exactly upbeat.  I typically have a cheery, sometimes sarcastic disposition, and lately things have not been so. I didn’t want to crowd the internet with ramblings of feeling sorry for myself and complaining. Now I am ready to blog again and talk about the exciting things happening in life, with only a few bits of complaining.

That being said, we are almost completely settled into our new place since the fire. We have been here for about 2 weeks and I found myself thinking that it almost feels like home. Which leads me to the question,  when does “home” become an apartment in a new city instead of your parents’, or in my case parent’s, home? Is it when you leave for college? When you get your first apartment? When you finally have “real person” furniture and belongings? When you feel independent? It really made me sad to think that my dad’s is no longer my “home”. I love my life, my new place, living with my future husband, and being independent. It is very strange, and I just can’t put my finger on it, but I guess this is what growing up feels like. Leaving behind childhood, what you used to know, and growing into a new, better, version of you. What I do know is that I am not that different from the little girl who grew up in Kentwood, MI and that no matter where my Dad lives, I can always go home.

And for a bit of complaining, it really sucks having to say my Dad’s house and not my parents’. I was thinking the other day what assumptions new people will make when they always hear me saying my Dad’s place, my dad this, my dad that.  AND, it is weird that Dad is now living at the cottage and sold the condo. That was pretty hard, because the condo had so much of Mom in it, but I know she is not in “things” rather, in memories and in us. I also can see how people might become hoarders.

Also, can someone please help me get my commas under control? I just never know when to use them or other punctuation!

*And, we set a wedding date: July 20, 2012. More to come on that in the next few posts! I do promise this will not turn into a wedding blog though. 

Can you believe this is our life?

Last November I specifically remember walking home from the EL on a snowy night think about how happy I was. About to be engaged, loving the city life, great friends, amazing family, loving my job, loving grad school, and excited about the future. I often would say to James, "Can you believe this is our life? We live in Chicago, you're in law school, I'm getting my masters degree!" Thursday morning our lives were thrown upside down by a fire in our building and we find ourselves asking again, "Can you believe this is our life?" My mom is dead, our stuff is ruined, we're about to have zero income for the next year, and we need to clean and replace everything, find another apartment and move. WTF just happened? I've been pushing on since my mom passed away saying to myself, "Just make it 'til the quarter is over, just make it 'til June 21 when work is done." I'm pretty sure I'm on the brink of a breakdown. Here are some very cliche but helpful phrases I have been using for self talk:

• Keep calm and carry on
• What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
• God will never give you more than you can handle
• Only you have the power to change your attitude
• Be still and know that I am god.
  
• BREATHE!
• God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference

I just wanted summer to get here so I could breathe, grieve, and just BE. Guess that was too much to ask for, huh?

What are some other good self talk phrases?

Also, a special shout out to the Chicago Fire Department for their speedy response. As James says, "They kicked ass, took names, and rolled out".

Fry Turkey Fry!

This Saturday we went to our friend's parents' house in Joliet to lose our fried turkey virginity. This was our first time to the "suburbs" for an actual visit. The going to the suburbs was the uneventful part of the trip. It felt just like Michigan. I  must admit that I miss the big box stores that are all along one street with ample amounts of parking. Shoe Carnival, Bed Bath and Beyond, Hobby Lobby, Target, Old Navy! So easy to get to.

Anyways, the highlight of the trip was Brian's parents. They were amazing and so welcoming! We basically took over their house and garage watching the MSU v Iowa game (disappointing, to say the least). His dad was busy in the garage frying the turkey and his mom was in the kitchen the entire time making the traditional Thanksgiving sides. She made mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, stuffing and cranberry sauce. Kim and I brought salad and apple pie, but she did the most of the work. We tried to offer to help but she wouldn't hear of it.

While the oil was hot the guys experimented making other fried treats. There were fried pickles, snickers and twinkies. I have to say the pickles were the best.  The others were just so sweet!

As bummed as we were that MSU got killed, we couldn't have been happier after such a great meal with wonderful friends.

Now we're wrapping up our weekend doing 4 loads of laundry at the laundry mat. Sheets, towels, rugs and clothes. I usually try to space them out, but every now and then it all backs up.

Smile!

In August I wrote about my experiences when I was new to the city and the lack of friendly faces. I wanted to just give an update about my "smile project" and say that it has been going well. Maybe it is the change of season or MSU's amazing 8-0 record, but I have been much more prone to smile at strangers who pass me by on the streets. This past week I have had around 50% smile back, say "hello", or make eye contact with me. I consider this success!

What harm can come from a smile? Sometimes when I see someone who looks particularly "rough" I get worried that a simple smile will attract negative attention. Often times I take the risk, challenging my own beliefs and fears, and do it anyways. This happened just the other day acutally, and when the smile was reciprocated I felt relieved and awful at the same time. Awful because I was scared to smile and show kindness in the first place.

How can we continually challenge our own fears and beliefs?

Remember the Poor

When I first moved to Chicago I was really taken aback by the lack of friendly faces. I was accustomed to walking by a stranger and smiling, saying hello, or at least acknowledging their presence. I noticed the same thing on the train and on the bus. The city felt cold, impersonal, and mean. I guess that is why Chicago is the Second City and Philly is the city of Brotherly Love (yes, I realize it didn't get the nickname because its people are friendly). After living here for a few weeks I decided to try to smile at 5 people in passing every day, and  maybe they might begin to smile at others. You never know what that person might be going through or how much a smile really means.

When I would smile and look for eye contact many would not even look at me, rather over me or through me. I felt foolish for trying such a thing in a jaded city, although I suspect the more salient feeling was rejection and worthlessness. Trying to make a human connection, however small it may be, and being completely disregarded is something many adults do not experience anymore. We only take the risk to make these connections when we are confident it will be reciprocated.

After experiencing the feelings of these failed attempts I began to reflect on my own behavior. How many times have I walked past someone with a cardboard sign and their hand out and ignored them? How many times have I looked the other way when someone was walking through the train jingling their cup asking for change? What does that feel like to those who have nothing? How might simple acknowledgment of their existence with eye contact or a warm smile impact them? Is it too  much to show kindness to others?

Around the same time, while riding the train, a woman came through with a cup asking for money. Every single person looked at their book or out the window. It wasn't because she was deformed or disgusting, it's because you cannot look another human in the eye without feeling connected and compassion for them. It was to quell their guilt for not sparing 30 cents from their pocket. And I did it too. I looked right out the window with my sunglasses on. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a gentleman reach into his pocket and place all his change in her cup and he said, "I just have to, I would feel so horrible if I didn't." Such a simple gesture moved me to tears on the Red line at the Belmont. His comment got me thinking, do we do these things out of guilt or do we genuinely want to share and help others? Does it matter what motivates us to show kindness?

While giving money to beggars is constantly debated, I decided that day to keep some loose change in my outside purse pocket (still need to be cautious and not pull out the whole wallet!) just in case the lady who works the train around Belmont ever comes through my car again. It is easy to get caught up in the walk and commute and it still huts my feelings when people look past me, but I try to smile at others when I remember to.

This past weekend my sister's husband, and one of our closest friends, lost his father very suddenly. Answering God's calling, Ken Graves used his talents and began a website/webzine with the mission to remember the poor. I believe if he gave change to the homeless it would not be from guilt, but to share God's grace. Please take a moment to visit his website so his passion for serving others will continue from above. http://www.rememberthepoor.net/

Have you smiled at someone today?

First: Chicago Air & Water Show

This weekend was the Chicago Air & Water Show and we didn't go to it. According the the press 2 million people would be in attendance throughout the course of the weekend. Instead, we went to Belmont Harbor to watch the practice on Friday. The boyfriend (will be referred to as bf instead of using pronouns from this point forward) had seen the practice the day before and was really excited for me to see the Blue Angels for the first time. It was super hot outside, but we had a nice spot in the shade and there was a cool breeze coming off Lake Michigan so it was perfect! The bf said Thursday there were only two other people there, but when we went there were watching the practice. We stayed for about 2 hours and waited until the last possible minute until I had to go home to shower for work. I missed them. That is, until I was waiting for the El and they flew by! Pretty neat, but I am not sure they were worth all the hype. The bf was so excited for me to see them so I was happy to catch a glimpse, even if it was only for a second.

 

Is the Air & Water Show overrated or totally worth it?

Someone CallED 911!!

Today after riding the MegaBus home from that city where that other school is I sat down to relax on the couch when someone started buzzing my door. I looked out the window

and there was one of Chicago's finest dressed in blue. I said, "Hello do you want me to buzz you in?" to which he replied yes (obviously since he was buzzing!).  I didn't have any pants on because it is hot as Hades in Chicago and I didn't have anything going on today. So, in an effort to get decent, I yelled for him to hold on and scrambled to get some shorts on. This is the third time someone has come and buzzed us and I have had to run to put on a robe or shorts, think this is a sign? YES!

Turns out guys in our building saw someone crawl out another apartment's window upstairs and onto the patio. They did the right thing and reported the breaking and entering because the girl wasn't home. Hopefully she has renter's insurance. Luckily for us, we have bars on our back windows that are accessible via the porch.

Our other windows are high enough off the ground I don't think we have anything to worry about, do we?

I don't think I'll worry about it. What I will worry about is The Secret Life of the American Teenager. If I am going to work as a high school counselor I think I should watch what kids are watching and boy, is this show full of adult themes. Stay tuned for a future post on "stuff" (this will be a profanity free blog for the sake of my professional integrity, haha) kids are watching these days! One positive thing about the show is they mentioned Gestalt's empty chair experiment!

What do you think? Have you watched it?

Top 10...

...Reasons I Started this Blog

1. I have a bunch of spare time.
2.  Document adventures/misadventures in a new (ish) city.
3.  Collect and reflect on thoughts regarding my masters program, his first year of law school and life in general.
4.  Keep track of projects I want to complete and their progress.
5.  Share my/our life with friends and family who are a long way away.
6.  List goals of a mid (omg mid?) twenties millennial gal and her boyfriend. Let's not pretend this is "our" blog. I will be doing all the posting and it will be entirely from my perspective but will often include him.
7.  Preserve memories. Hello! Blogging is the new (again -ish) scrap booking, only a whole lot cheaper!
8.  Work on my writing.
9.  Complain about being broke/keep myself accountable!
10. .Inflate my ego by believing someone cares enough to read this blog!